Lovers For Life

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In this LOVERS FOR LIFE self-study course(189 pg.) -- we have included projects and processes for your use. They have proved very valuable for us and for couples in our seminars. In the beginning, using them may make you feel as awkward as giving a speech or singing a solo for the first time. They will become familiar with use, however, and will help you develop a mutually supportive partnership that remains pleasurable and permanent. Use them well to strengthen your love, mutual concern and self-transcendence; for they are tools with which to build greater understanding.

Three Stage Conflict Avoidance and control with the ASRAC Process;
Personality Patterns That Shape Relationships;
The Personality Pattern Predictor and more....

Even if boredom and desperation have set in, these methods have the power to revitalize a relationship and make it worth keeping -- even when you are not making love at the time. May God bless your attempts to grow toward happiness and fulfillment, all your life!

Men and women are mirror image souls who need one another for fulfillment - for intimacy caresses through the long nights of winter, for the yin and yang of masculine and feminine strengths, for perpetuating ourselves immortally through our children.

Some time ago we were leading a seminar for sexually sophisticated, exuberant and articulate young couples from a local church when James, one of the husbands, said:

"Nancy and I have long since learned how to insert Tab A into Slot B, so we don't need a sex manual. We know all about adequate foreplay for women, exotic positions, and multiple orgasms. We love our nights of romance but we now must learn how to make our marriage worth keeping together when we are not making love."

Emotionally healthy men and women almost always share their lives with lovers whose happiness is crucial to their own fulfillment -- even if they failed to understand the reciprocal nature of mutual satisfaction while they were young. In our youthful years we may be so filled with such intense sexual desires that we forget it really does take two to tango successfully for any length of time. If either lover feels deprived, the music soon loses its ability to charm us. As we learn to love a person deeply, we want both to be personally satisfied -- while also becoming a pleasing lover.

Our sexual pleasure remains second rate unless the lover becomes a full partner in the intimacy. Of course, some neurotic persons use sex in a power play for ego benefits that have little to do with love. We insist -- all psychospiritually healthy women and men want to please the sweetheart with whom they share physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. Anything less is selfishness -- is prima facia evidence that one is still an emotional adolescent, grasping what he or she can in a short term relationship. Sexual selfishness and the potential for abuse that follows is always the result of one`s serious emotional and spiritual failures.

Despite the universal need for loving relationships, one marriage out of two fails, with a major cause of divorce being serious sexual disappointment caused by some form of narcissism -- satiation or some kind of neurotic power struggle within the relationship. Many of the marriages which survive are such emotional and sexual disasters that the partners are left with a terrible sense of disappointment about the entire affair. Comparatively few men and women actually remain lovers for life with the joy that guarantees. It is obvious that many couples have not mastered the attitudes, activities and relationships needed to make love permanent. We, Roberta and Jard, realize that we have done pretty well -- we are still sharing our love for one other and enjoying our erotic intimacy after half a century of love and marriage. We have thought much about all this and have come to the delightful conclusion -- We are not yet through! Despite all odds and some glaring mistakes along the way, we have managed to remain lovers because we understand some key factors about relationships:



WOMEN AND MEN REALLY DO NEED EACH OTHER FOR LOVE TO PROSPER.

SEXUAL INTIMACY AND PLEASURE IS A NORMAL NEED FOR ALL LOVERS.

FULFILLMENT INCREASES CONSISTENTLY ONLY AS WE MATURE TOGETHER.

These are attainable ideals that unfortunately, because of narcissism and nihilism, can be crippled enough to destroy relationships. However, since the need for love and intimacy does not end with conflict and unhappiness -- even after separation and divorce, most persons with failed marriages usually seek someone new with whom to share romance. We have learned how vital it is to have a loving partner who cares deeply about us; who enthusiastically and joyfully joins their body, mind and spirit with our own. Unfortunately, some people continue looking for a perfect partner rather than learning how to become a better lover. Nevertheless, most second marriages succeed well enough to be held together. Couples, the second time around, usually have more realistic expectations and attitudes -- can abandon the youthful selfishness that comes between themselves and their lovers, and accept the partial loaf of a sound relationship if not a grand romance.

Warmly,

Jard & Roberta DeVille

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